It’s a date!: The boy I accidentally ghosted

So, it’s not just about the boys that somehow did me wrong - let me tell you about the one that I kind of did wrong.

Jason and I have never actually met. We started talking when I was just way too busy with life to find time the time to plan a date. But he was everything a girl could ask for in a man. Or he seemed to be. So damn understanding and just extremely nice.

So, while technically we never dated, we had an awfully long talking stage, mostly because of me, although I can’t think of anything worse than a long, failed talking stage.

And then I ended up ghosting the man who had been nothing but supportive of everything I’d been doing for weeks, if not months.

I don’t generally ghost people. I’ve been ghosted myself in the past quite a few times, so I just don’t. It’s nice to be nice and sometimes I can be way too nice *insert eye rolling emoji*. But unfortunately, I accidentally ghosted him and feel quite bad about it.

How do you accidentally ghost someone, you may ask? Let me explain.

There obviously must’ve been something missing from my side. One thing about me is that I can’t ignore people, especially those I am interested in romantically. If they take hours or even days to reply, you bet your sweet ass I’m not giving them the silent treatment and I’m replying back within seconds (unless I’m really busy).

It’s when you realise that you normally reply fairly quickly and my responses to Jason took hours, sometimes even days. In a normal situation, I’d be checking my phone every five minutes to see if they texted back, but I just didn’t care that much.

We had good conversation (when I bothered to reply), he was smart and funny and while I feel a bit bad for saying this, him being so nice may have given me an ick. Never in my life would I have imagined I would get the ick from someone being nice, but I guess after years of everything but the princess treatment from men, being nice is not something I’m used to.

So eventually, after hours turned into days and days turned into weeks, I realised that I hadn’t answered his messages and I felt too embarrassed to remind him of my existence. Because let’s be honest, he probably doesn’t even think about me. But there were five unopened messages from him in my WhatsApp archived, the last one from nearly two months ago.

I’ve always believed that you owe people an explanation or some sort of closure to why you ghosted them, especially when you’ve been talking for a while, but to be completely honest with you - Jason won’t be hearing from me, probably ever. Yes, I’m being a hypocrite saying you owe someone an explanation and then not doing it myself, but I simply don’t have the balls to do it. I also think it’s been so long that it may not be worth opening old ‘wounds’.

I never understood why people ghost and how they can even do it. Now I realise that it makes things easier. I guess I never wanted to have the conversation about why we should no longer pursue things especially as he gave me a chance and I said I still wanted to see him, but I was just way too busy. And then I changed my mind a few days later and felt like an idiot.

I don’t like hurting people so me accidentally ghosting him now feels like a safer and simpler option. But then I remember how I felt when I was ghosted before, and it sucked.

I should’ve realised from how different I was speaking to him compared to my previous ‘situationships’ that I probably wasn’t that into him. I wasn’t trying to force anything but I wanted to give it a go because I’ve done the dates where there was an initial attraction, sparks flying, amazing chat, and then it never worked out because those guys were just d*ckheads interested in one thing – and it certainly wasn’t my (sometimes) amazing personality.

I know Jason knows about Kindred. so if you’re reading this by any chance (I mean why would you), I’m sorry I was a d*ck, you really are a great guy but just not the one for me.

And have I learned something from this? Definitely - that next time I’ll follow my heart instead of trying to see where things go. I rarely change how I feel about someone romantically. It’s more likely that I stop fancying them rather than it happening the other way around.

Until next time,

Janet