It’s a date!: The boy whose actions made no sense

If you’ve been with Kindred. for a while, you may have read all about my heartbreak (which actually wasn’t a heartbreak in the end) and my dating struggles.

So, when the opportunity to have my own series about dating arose, I took it as yet another chance to talk about me and myself only! I didn’t jump at the opportunity straight away because it meant actually going on dates, and I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do that again. I should introduce myself properly - Hi, I’m Janet and I f*cking hate dating.

When I last spoke about getting back into dating, I was very much determined to do so and really put myself out there. But there’s a reason we say 'Oh man' when we are disappointed. Because men are a massive disappointment. Or at least the men I met, and that is making me slowly but surely lose hope with the whole of mankind (ironically, I have a tattoo that says 'There’s always hope' – just not with men).

The good thing about doing this is that it will force me to continue to push myself outside my comfort zone. I started by going to a kink club earlier this year and if I managed to do that, what's a few dates, right? And if it wasn’t for my dating failures, I wouldn’t be here writing this, and my friends wouldn’t have much to laugh about.

If you’re new here, I am shy as hell and I get nervous to the point where my hands are sweaty and my whole body is shaking. My friends don’t believe me, because they see me as the most confident and outgoing person ever, but I guess they’ve known me for long enough now to forget how I was when we first met. That and my often-awkward personality when I’m around someone I’m interested in can make dating pretty difficult.

And because this is an introduction, let me introduce you to a boy that made me want to give up on dating yet again. Just a little disclaimer, I will be changing the names of any boys (I’m calling them boys for a reason, trust me) mentioned.

I met Robert* earlier this year on Tinder after I re-downloaded the app. I have a love-hate relationship with Tinder because I honestly think it’s for hook-ups only and that’s not my end game. But Rob and I really hit it off, or so it seemed.

We spent hours talking on the phone, but before we had even met, we’d had a few arguments that just didn’t make any sense. Me being me, I blamed myself and felt like I needed to say sorry. But looking back at the situation, it was honestly ridiculous. It all started with him asking me if I had recently slept with anyone. I had slept with another guy called John* who was my first Tinder date after I redownloaded the app (we never saw each other again but more on that next time).

See, I didn’t see anything wrong about answering truthfully because all of that had happened before I’d even known Rob existed, but then he asked me how I would react if he told me he had slept with someone earlier that day. And to that, I again honestly said that I wouldn’t take whatever is happening between us as seriously as I was until then. Oh boy, did he get super angry! But the reason I’m telling you this is because this information was later used against me.

Long story short, Rob stood me up when we were meant to see each other for the first time and left me roaming around Soho at night in the freezing cold. I should’ve left the whole thing at that, but we eventually went on a first date, mainly because I just don’t learn.

My first sign should’ve been the fact that he turned up wearing sweatpants. I’m not expecting a full-on suit on a first date, but sweatpants?! At least show some effort!

Either way, we spent a few hours together and the conversation was flowing, we laughed and there was no awkward silence and it just felt nice. He asked me if I fancied him - I said yes. I asked him if he fancied me, and he said yes.

When it was time for me to go home, he waited with me at the bus stop and when the bus finally arrived, he had his last chance to make a move. Instead, I got an awkward bear hug and I got on the bus, all confused.

The next day, I received a text saying he only got ‘friends vibes’ with me, which isn’t a bad thing, and blah blah blah. I was even more confused because you know, he had said that he fancied me, but I was fine with a friendship because we got on and I enjoyed talking to him. We were meant to go for drinks, but he cancelled and then I never heard back from him. Some 'friend'.

But a few weeks went by and on the day before my birthday, I got a text from him asking if I wanted to meet up for a drink and watch a movie or something. I spent the weekend at home, so I was quite happy to leave the house and socialise but boy, do I wish I had just stayed at home.

See, because I had already been friend-zoned by this boy not that long before, I thought nothing of it, which made me more relaxed, and even he noticed. I said to him "It’s because there’s no pressure of this being a date", so tell me why he then looked me dead in the eyes and said that it was a date.

I think that is where it all went downhill. I was open to it being a date but when we went to his to watch a movie and have some food, it all just became awkward. The kissing felt wrong, his hands on my body felt wrong and the way he acted when I said that I wasn’t sleeping with him felt even more wrong. The way he felt about that rejection was so obvious and when I offered to leave and got no reply back, I literally jumped up, ready to leave.

With my boots and jacket on and my hand on the door handle, he then started having a go at me for the way I was leaving and said a few things that just made no sense at the time.

For example, he muttered, "When I go to watch a movie with someone, we don’t watch a movie." I get the whole 'Netflix and Chill' thing, but you friend-zoned me and also said you don’t sleep around.

He then said, "Why can’t we just have some fun and enjoy each other’s company?" which is something he said repeatedly whilst I was laying on the bed, stiff as a board. I WAS having fun until you decided that I’m not good enough to date but good enough to 'have fun with'.

I told him that I didn’t do one-night stands and when he said, "But you’ve done it before" the realisation of him referring to my previous Tinder date from a few months back hit me.

I realised that he was probably feeling horny, no one else was available, and thought "I’m gonna hit that girl up cause she’d be down', when he knew that’s not what I do because we’d had many conversations about it.

And this is why even before this all happened, I thought about taking another break from dating. But I guess you have to kiss a few frogs until you find your prince. And what a frog that was.

Until next time,

Janet